DVD Movie Chapter Index

Chapter Index
1. Warner Brothers/Revolution Studios/Franchise Films/Icon Pictures/Silver Screen Partners IV Logos
2. Main Title
3. Introducing The 'Smooth Operator'
4. Waiting for Joe
5. Cupid's Uncertain Aim
6. First Fight Scene
7. "I Can't Believe They Killed Joe in That Last Fight!"
8. Joe's Widow Notified
9. Visit From Parole Officer
10. "God, I Hate My F#cking P.O.!"
11. The Sexy Lady Returns
12. "Are We Gonna Have Sex?"
13. "Totally."
14. The Next Morning
15. Second Fight Scene
16. Gang Plans a Heist - Montage
17. The Set-Up
18. The Heist - Part I
19. Lunch Time
20. "Let's Eat at McDonald's."
21. Lunch Over
22. The Heist - Part II
23. Final Fight Scene
24. They All Die At The End
25. Surpise Ending - The Virgin Lives
26. Setting Up Premise For Sequel
27. One More Plug For McDonald's
28. End Credits
29. Last Scene Shown After End Credits That Only Lonely Assholes Like Me Watch

Access the special features by pressing the MENU key on your DVD player's remote control.

SPECIAL FEATURES

Director's Commentary
Deleted Scenes**NOT AVAILABLE IN UNRATED EXTENDED DVD
Meet The Cast
Censored Out-Takes
Navy Recruitment Ad
Sneak Peeks: Now In Theaters/Now Available On DVD
Hidden Easter Egg
Easter Egg is Ben Stiller in a fat suit, riffing. Totally not worth it.

movie screener report

Hi luggagetuesdays, call me Mr. Preview, because I'm now reporting about a special movie "test screening" held at the local Loews 6. We all signed a "NDA," meaning I can't give away the details but I can be vague about it. A CERTAIN TV STAR and THAT GUY FROM AMERICAN PIE like to smoke a lot of TYPE OF DRUG LEGAL IN CALIFORNIA wake up and their TRANSPORTATION is missing, and one guy, you know from the FOX TV SHOW THAT TOOK PLACE DURING THE 1970s, says, "FRIEND, WHAT IS THE LOCATION OF THE VEHICLE OF MINE?" and then something about a "continum transfuctioner" and what's her name from 24.


UPDATE: A lot of people have been emailing and asking me, Mr. Preview, if the movie in question is "Dude, Where's My Car?" Again, I can't tell you. NDA.
Signed,Mr. Preview


Full disclosure: This happened eight years ago.

Will you look at how long it takes for this Alka-Seltzer to dissolve in my water glass?

Now I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but the two tablets are made of stone.


I say I say I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but its original ad campaign was "Oh! That's a spicy dinosaur meatball!"


I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but drop it in water and you'll hear "Plopth Plopth Fizzth Fizzth!"


Your momma is so fat...
Wait? What about my mother?
Dude, relax. I said 'Alka-Seltzer.'
You said, 'Your Alka-Seltzer is so fat...?'
Right.


Anyway I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but it only cost two Confederate dollars.


So I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but they're shaped like rocks.
Were they shaped like rocks because the wheel wasn't invented back then?
Right.


I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but the instructions read, "Just add water...when water is discovered."


I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old but, wait, hang on, ok, never mind, it finally dissolved.

James Lipton Knock Knock Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez who?
Jennifer Lopez who showed the world the nuances of being a maid in Manhattan

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle who?
Dave Chappelle who was sublime in his breakout role as Pinball in 1995's Con-Air.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jay Leno
Jay Leno who?
Jay Leno who taught America to laugh again after nine eleven.

movienewsdebate

Porky's II: The Next Day came out the same year as the movie Joysticks, yet Joysticks had more boobs. Also, Joysticks took place in a videogame arcade, while Porky's II: The Next Day [PII:TND] took place in 1954 Florida. First Porky's was about gettin it, while PII:TND [π:TND] was about Shakespeare and intolence towards Seminole Indians. That next day must had fell on Bummerday. Bummerday. Now that I'm older and unemployed, I realized that I was wrong: π:TND is better than first Porky's but still not as good as Joysticks with Joe Don Baker and Super Pac-Man.