A sequel has been established (Exception, Iron Man: Four sequels have been established).
Animated movie offers ersatz bloopers.
The old guy survives all his adventures.
The cast and crew sing a song and pretend to be happy.
You remember the twist ending from an '80s episode of Twilight Zone.
Mike Myers looks into the camera and shrugs.
Look out! The shark isn't dead yet!
There is an ending to Speed Racer.
They get it on.
Rob Schneider, David Spade, Nick Swardson, Steve Buscemi, Nicholas Turturro, Robert Smigel, Kathy Bates, Nick Griffith, Henry Winkler, Dennis Dugan, Peter Dante, and Allen Covert all make surprise cameos.
Warning, spoilers.
by Mike Spiegelman
What's Not/What's Now/What's Wow
Not: Writers Strike
Now: Actors Strike
Wow: Appearing on Oprah
Not: NBC-TV's Heroes
Now: Hogan's Heroes
Wow: America's Heroes
Not: Indy's fedora
Now: Pete Wentz's hat
Wow : Killing yourself
Now: Actors Strike
Wow: Appearing on Oprah
Not: NBC-TV's Heroes
Now: Hogan's Heroes
Wow: America's Heroes
Not: Indy's fedora
Now: Pete Wentz's hat
Wow : Killing yourself
The Super Secret "But I'm Ironman"/"But I'm Batman" Game
Playing Field: Inside automobile, preferably during car trip.
Players: two siblings, backseat; parent or friend's parent driving.
Best played: Immediately after The "But I'm Ironman"/"But I'm Batman" Game.
Same as The "But I'm Ironman"/"But I'm Batman" Game, but whisper it. Play until driver snaps at your sibling, and not you.
Game log:
Players: two siblings, backseat; parent or friend's parent driving.
Best played: Immediately after The "But I'm Ironman"/"But I'm Batman" Game.
Same as The "But I'm Ironman"/"But I'm Batman" Game, but whisper it. Play until driver snaps at your sibling, and not you.
Game log:
Shirley: (whispering) But I'm Ironman.
Leo: (whispering) But I'm Batman.
Driver: (under breath) Oh hells no.
The "But I'm Ironman"/"But I'm Batman" Game
Playing field: Inside automobile, preferably during car trip.
Players: Two siblings, backseat; parent or friend's parent driving.
Best played: Immediately before The Super Secret "But I'm Ironman"/"But I'm Batman" Game.
Each sibling picks one side of titled argument. One begins by stating: "But I'm Ironman!" The other retorts with, "But I'm Batman!" Continue in this fashion until driver pulls over and threatens physical harm if the game is ever, ever, ever played again.
Game log:
Players: Two siblings, backseat; parent or friend's parent driving.
Best played: Immediately before The Super Secret "But I'm Ironman"/"But I'm Batman" Game.
Each sibling picks one side of titled argument. One begins by stating: "But I'm Ironman!" The other retorts with, "But I'm Batman!" Continue in this fashion until driver pulls over and threatens physical harm if the game is ever, ever, ever played again.
Game log:
Shirley: Make room. I want to stretch my legs.
Leo: No!
Shirley: But I'm Ironman.
Leo: But I'm Batman.
Shirley: But I'm Ironman!
Leo: But I'm Batman!
Shirley: But I'm Ironman!
Leo: But I'm Batman!
Driver: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shirley: But I'm Ironman...
Leo: But I'm Batman...
Shirley: But...I'm Ironman.
Leo: But, I'm...Batman.
Driver: Didn't I just say, "shut up!"
Shirley: (crying) But I'm Ironman!
Leo: (outdoor voice) But I'm Batman!
Shirley: (falsetto) But I'm Ironman!
Leo: (Val Kilmer-ish) But I'm Batman!
Shirley: (sung to the melody of "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath) But I'm Ironman!
Leo: (screeching) But I'm Batman!
Shirley: (stretching legs) But I'm Ironman!
Leo: (like a robot) But I'm Batman!
Driver: (pulling over to the shoulder of Rte 3) Ironman, Batman: shut it up! (to passenger) Elaine, what's the hell's wrong with your kids?
Family Restaurant Menu Part 6.8: Entrees: Specialty Diet Specials
We no longer serve porkless bacon after our entire supply mysteriously imploded.
New! Hot Garden Salad contains no raw vegetables
We toss boiled tomato wedges, fried celery, baked radishes, stir-fried green onions, sautéed bell peppers, freshly baked croutons and peeled roasted chestnuts over a bed of steamed lettuce. Served with melted blue cheese dressing.
New! Plate of "Raw" Brownies
Here's a decadent dessert for the discriminating macrobotic foodie. Our "raw" brownies are the same fig paste you know so well but this time we shaped it to look like square brownies. It'll make you wonder why the quotation marks are around the word raw and not brownies.
New! Kosher Meal
It's poached salmon served with long-grain rice. It's surprisingly tasty, but don't tell anyone, because then everybody will order it.
New! Kosher-Style Meal
It's the Kosher Meal served when the restaurant rabbi has the day off. Only available Friday night and Saturday morning.
New! Wheat-Free Gluten-Free Sugar-Free Yeast-Free Pancakes
Our subcontractors sold us substandard flapjack batter lacking in ingredients. We were about to throw it away when someone in Marketing said, "Hey, you know, there's some people allergic to everything who would pay extra to eat this swill." We promoted that guy.
New! Hot Garden Salad contains no raw vegetables
We toss boiled tomato wedges, fried celery, baked radishes, stir-fried green onions, sautéed bell peppers, freshly baked croutons and peeled roasted chestnuts over a bed of steamed lettuce. Served with melted blue cheese dressing.
New! Plate of "Raw" Brownies
Here's a decadent dessert for the discriminating macrobotic foodie. Our "raw" brownies are the same fig paste you know so well but this time we shaped it to look like square brownies. It'll make you wonder why the quotation marks are around the word raw and not brownies.
New! Kosher Meal
It's poached salmon served with long-grain rice. It's surprisingly tasty, but don't tell anyone, because then everybody will order it.
New! Kosher-Style Meal
It's the Kosher Meal served when the restaurant rabbi has the day off. Only available Friday night and Saturday morning.
New! Wheat-Free Gluten-Free Sugar-Free Yeast-Free Pancakes
Our subcontractors sold us substandard flapjack batter lacking in ingredients. We were about to throw it away when someone in Marketing said, "Hey, you know, there's some people allergic to everything who would pay extra to eat this swill." We promoted that guy.
Correction of Previous Bit
In the previous bit, Superhero Obituaries, we mistakenly reported the demise of Super Captain Seven at the hands of his adversary, Ultimate Major Z. Eyewitnesses have confirmed it wasn't Cap after all, but instead his Eccentrico Galaxy alternative universe doppelgänger, Neves Niatpac Repus. We sincerely apologize to the Captain's cyberfamily and cyberfriends.
Superhero Obituaries
Galaxy Ghoul, age unknown, died Tuesday, from complications of a comet. He is survived by his two foster children and a space chimp.
The Brain Teaser, 89, died Monday of suffocation after locking himself in his car.
Super Captain Seven, age unknown, died this morning, battling Ultimate Major Z on some planet.
The Brain Teaser, 89, died Monday of suffocation after locking himself in his car.
Super Captain Seven, age unknown, died this morning, battling Ultimate Major Z on some planet.
What Did You Think About Your Complementary Glass of Water?
It was our pleasure to serve you a free glass of water, and now it's our pleasure to ask you to "freely" rate it.
1. How was your glass of water?
__ Good __ Disappointing
1.5 How was the service?
__ Disappointing __ OK
2. Was the glass of water to your specifications?
__ Yes __ No
2.5 (If "No") What was wrong?
__ I said, "No ice." __ Iced water not room-temperature
2.8 (If "No") In the future, what do you want us to do?
__ I said, "No ice." __ Simply serve iced water at room-temperature
3. Ice: Was there ice in your glass of water?
__ Yes __ I said, "No ice."
3.4 (If "Yes") What kind of ice?
__ Cubes __ Chips __ Shaved
3.9 (If "Yes") In a word, describe the ice.
__ Intrusive __ Icy
4. Stuff: Was there stuff added to your water?
__ No __ Yes
4.5 (If "Yes") What stuff? (Check all appropriate stuff, listed alphabetically)
__ Anise
__ Band-Aid
__ Bay leaf
__ Bitters
__ Caffeine
__ Chili pepper
__ Cigarette butt
__ Cinnamon
__ Cinnamon stick
__ Cocktail onion
__ Cocktail umbrella
__ Coffee beans
__ Corn syrup
__ Cucumber slice
__ Cucumber wedge
__ Cress
__ Dill blade
__ Dirt (Like in "Back to the Future III")
__ E. Coli
__ Edelweiss
__ Ephedra
__ Fennel
__ Flax seeds
__ Frog
__ Garlic clove
__ Gelatin
__ Ginger flakes
__ Ginger root
__ Ginseng
__ Ginseng, American
__ Ginseng root
__ Ginseng, Siberian
__ Gold flakes
__ Goldenseal
__ Hemlock
__ Hormones
__ Horseradish root
__ Ice
__ Jasmine
__ Juleps
__ Kelp
__ Licorice stick
__ Lemon juice
__ Lemon slice
__ Lemon wedge
__ Lemon zest
__ Lemongrass
__ Lemonsalt
__ Lime juice
__ Lime slice
__ Lime wedge
__ Lime zest
__ LSD
__ Metamucil
__ Mickey
__ MSG
__ Myrrh
__ Nutmeg
__ NutraSweet
__ Oat bran
__ Old gum
__ Olive
__ Orange oil
__ Orange slice
__ Orange wedge
__ Orange zest
__ Parsley
__ Patchouli oil
__ Pebbles
__ Peppermint
__ Peppermint candy cane
__ Poison
__ Pomegranate seeds
__ Poppy seeds
__ Pubic hair
__ Purple flavor
__ Question mark
__ Red dye
__ Rock salt (around rim)
__ Roofie
__ Rose petals
__ Rosehips
__ Saffron
__ Sea Monkeys
__ Spit
__ St. John's Wart
__ Stevia
__ Sugar
__ THC
__ Urine
__ Valerian root
__ Vanilla bean
__ Vanilla stick
__ Vitamins
__ Vodka
__ Wasabi
__ Water
__ Witch hazel
__ Xanax
__ Xylitol
__ Yogurt culture
__ Yohimbe
__ Zima
__ Zoloft
4.6 (If "Yes" or "No") (Optional) Suggestions? _________
5. Preferences: I prefer
__ Tap water __ Filtered water __ Spring water __ Buy a drink with my meal once in a while
1. How was your glass of water?
__ Good __ Disappointing
1.5 How was the service?
__ Disappointing __ OK
2. Was the glass of water to your specifications?
__ Yes __ No
2.5 (If "No") What was wrong?
__ I said, "No ice." __ Iced water not room-temperature
2.8 (If "No") In the future, what do you want us to do?
__ I said, "No ice." __ Simply serve iced water at room-temperature
3. Ice: Was there ice in your glass of water?
__ Yes __ I said, "No ice."
3.4 (If "Yes") What kind of ice?__ Cubes __ Chips __ Shaved
3.9 (If "Yes") In a word, describe the ice.
__ Intrusive __ Icy
4. Stuff: Was there stuff added to your water?
__ No __ Yes
4.5 (If "Yes") What stuff? (Check all appropriate stuff, listed alphabetically)
__ Anise
__ Band-Aid
__ Bay leaf
__ Bitters
__ Caffeine
__ Chili pepper
__ Cigarette butt
__ Cinnamon
__ Cinnamon stick
__ Cocktail onion
__ Cocktail umbrella
__ Coffee beans
__ Corn syrup
__ Cucumber slice
__ Cucumber wedge
__ Cress
__ Dill blade
__ Dirt (Like in "Back to the Future III")
__ E. Coli
__ Edelweiss
__ Ephedra
__ Fennel
__ Flax seeds
__ Frog
__ Garlic clove
__ Gelatin
__ Ginger flakes
__ Ginger root
__ Ginseng
__ Ginseng, American
__ Ginseng root
__ Ginseng, Siberian
__ Gold flakes
__ Goldenseal__ Hemlock
__ Hormones
__ Horseradish root
__ Ice
__ Jasmine
__ Juleps
__ Kelp
__ Licorice stick
__ Lemon juice
__ Lemon slice
__ Lemon wedge
__ Lemon zest
__ Lemongrass
__ Lemonsalt
__ Lime juice
__ Lime slice
__ Lime wedge
__ Lime zest
__ LSD
__ Metamucil
__ Mickey
__ MSG
__ Myrrh
__ Nutmeg
__ NutraSweet
__ Oat bran
__ Old gum
__ Olive__ Orange oil
__ Orange slice
__ Orange wedge
__ Orange zest
__ Parsley
__ Patchouli oil
__ Pebbles
__ Peppermint
__ Peppermint candy cane
__ Poison
__ Pomegranate seeds
__ Poppy seeds
__ Pubic hair
__ Purple flavor
__ Question mark
__ Red dye
__ Rock salt (around rim)
__ Roofie
__ Rose petals
__ Rosehips
__ Saffron
__ Sea Monkeys
__ Spit__ St. John's Wart
__ Stevia
__ Sugar
__ THC
__ Urine
__ Valerian root
__ Vanilla bean
__ Vanilla stick
__ Vitamins
__ Vodka
__ Wasabi
__ Water
__ Witch hazel
__ Xanax
__ Xylitol
__ Yogurt culture
__ Yohimbe
__ Zima
__ Zoloft
4.6 (If "Yes" or "No") (Optional) Suggestions? _________
5. Preferences: I prefer
__ Tap water __ Filtered water __ Spring water __ Buy a drink with my meal once in a while
Children's Letters to St. Jude
Thank you, St. Jude. Roger, Age 6
St. Jude, you suck. Psyche! You're cool, even if you're lame. Double Psyche! Lance, Age 11
Thank you, St. Jude, for giving me the strength to sit through Transformers: The Movie. Why do robots fight over a cube? WTF? Maria, Age 9
St. Jude, I've requested your assistance over the last five years of my life and you were always there. I am 5 and three-fourths years old. Patrick, Age 5
Thank you, Spongebob, for helping me and answering my prayers. I mean, St. Jude. Liz, Age 7
Thank you St. Jude for helping me with my boo-boo. Shawn, Age 8
Thank you so much for blessing my father with new employment, St. Jude. I am grateful and I thank you for hearing my prayer. Elizabeth, Age 26
I peed on the boys' monkey bars pretty badly. St. Jude, You showed me acceptance and that made me feel better. Wait, no it doesn't. Michael, Age 5
St. Jude, thank you very much for helping me with my special intention. And thank you for Star Wars. Zak, Age 3
St. Jude, you suck. Psyche! You're cool, even if you're lame. Double Psyche! Lance, Age 11
Thank you, St. Jude, for giving me the strength to sit through Transformers: The Movie. Why do robots fight over a cube? WTF? Maria, Age 9
St. Jude, I've requested your assistance over the last five years of my life and you were always there. I am 5 and three-fourths years old. Patrick, Age 5
Thank you, Spongebob, for helping me and answering my prayers. I mean, St. Jude. Liz, Age 7
Thank you St. Jude for helping me with my boo-boo. Shawn, Age 8
Thank you so much for blessing my father with new employment, St. Jude. I am grateful and I thank you for hearing my prayer. Elizabeth, Age 26
I peed on the boys' monkey bars pretty badly. St. Jude, You showed me acceptance and that made me feel better. Wait, no it doesn't. Michael, Age 5
St. Jude, thank you very much for helping me with my special intention. And thank you for Star Wars. Zak, Age 3
New Attitudes
Can-Do
Street Educated
Winner Take All
Born Again
Don't Give a Shit
Street Smart
Peachy Keen
Feeling Good From My Head to My Shoes
Easy Does It
Street Savvy
Team Player
Fahrvergroovin
Devil May Care, or Cry
Short-Term Memory Loss
Street Stupid
Street Educated
Winner Take All
Born Again
Don't Give a Shit
Street Smart
Peachy Keen
Feeling Good From My Head to My Shoes
Easy Does It
Street Savvy
Team Player
Fahrvergroovin
Devil May Care, or Cry
Short-Term Memory Loss
Street Stupid
Now hear this
Introducing...audio tracks from Luggage Tuesdays are available at Muxtape 10/14/09 UPDATE blip.tv
Also check out:
Additional material at Luggage Tumblrs
Luggage Tuesdays video at YouTube
Luggage Tuesdays on Twitter
Luggage Tuesdays on Friendfeed
Also check out:
Additional material at Luggage Tumblrs
Luggage Tuesdays video at YouTube
Luggage Tuesdays on Twitter
Luggage Tuesdays on Friendfeed
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