500 Apologies

I'm sorry I did that.
I'm sorry I forgot to thank my manager.
I'm sorry for bringing that up.
Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't even express how truly sorry I am.
I'm sorry I didn't stand up for what I did.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm always apologizing for apologizing.
Sorry, but the number you dialed is no longer in service.
I'm sorry, but I never did see John Ritter in Blake Edwards' "Skin Deep."
Sorry for the time I was rude on the bus.
Sorry for the time I was indifferent on the bus.
Sorry for the time on the bus when the volume was on max and you could totally hear REO out of my earbuds.
Sorry for the time I covered my face with the newspaper so I didn't see you needing my seat. This was also on the bus.
Sorry I asked for my money back.
If I did do it, I'm sorry.
Sorry the new "Family Feud" never caught fire like it did in the seventies.
I'm sorry I didn't offer any.
I'm sorry I lied.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm sorry I audibly chewed my ice.
I'm sorry, but I don't think comedic character actor Danny McBride is one-dimensional.
I'm sorry I left the door open.
I'm sorry I only brought 2 beers.
I'm sorry, but Counting Crows are not "Classic Rock."
I'm sorry, but why are you asking me if I have breath mints?
I'm sorry, but I don't get the joke.
I'm sorry, but could you lower your voice?
I'm sorry, but I don't carry mustard in my car.
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
That was insincere. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but I don't like that movie.
I'm sorry to bother you at this time.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I'm sorry, but it won't catch on.
I'm sorry I'm calling during dinnertime.
Haven't read it yet. Sorry.
I'm sorry, but can you take our photo?
Sorry about that, folks.
Sorry to do this.
I'm so sorry.
SRY @ LST TXT.
I'm sorry, but that's just how I was raised.
I'm sorry, but I disagree.
Sorry I didn't stand up to that waiter.
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry, but I don't Facebook.
I'm sorry, but I need to go to the bathroom.
I'm sorry to be spamming you again.
I'm sorry about your loss.
Sorry I haven't mailed it yet.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
I'm sorry I was joking.
I'm sorry I was riffing.
I'm sorry I'm always on.
I'm sorry I was smirking.
I'm sorry it looked like I was smirking.
Sorry for apologizing for both smirking and not smirking.
Sorry I sound flippant.
I'm sorry, but it's not a bit. I'm serious this time.
Sorry you can't take a joke.
Sorry about the smell.
Sorry, but that's my job.
Sorry about last night.
Sorry about the mix-up.
Sorry to be the first to break the news to you, I'm just calling for a reaction.
Sorry, but let's do it again.
Sorry for the paper trail.
Sorry about eating my lunch at my desk.
I'm sorry it's come to this.
Sorry I haven't been proactively numbering my list.
72. Sorry it took so long.
73. Sorry for the inconvenience caused by not numbering.
74. I'm sorry I'm so self-conscious.
75. I'm sorry numbering became an issue.
76. I'm sorry for being inconsistent.
77. I'm sorry, and I'll never bring up numbering again.
Sorry for the interruption.
I'm sorry, too.
Again, sorry for that.
Sorry about the outburst.
I'm sorry, but DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?
If I'm lying, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you think I'm lying.
I'm sorry, but did I ask you?
I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that.
I'm sorry, your Honor.
I'm sorry you're sorry.
I'm sorry, but there'll be no "Harry Potter" in this house.
I'm sorry, but our time is up here.
I'm sorry it happened again.
I'm sorry it was the wrong color.
I'm sorry I quoted you.
I'm sorry, son.
I'm sorry, but I don't watch television.
I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
I'm sorry I ate that.
I'm sorry to remind you.
Honest to God, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, Saint Jude.
I'm sorry it looks that way.
I'm sincerely sorry.
I am sincerely sorry.
I am sincere when I say I'm sorry.
Sorry about the pun.
Sorry about the Spoonerism.
I'm sorry I don't believe you.
I'm sorry, but I don't have a watch.
I'm sorry, bra.
I'm sorry, that's classified.
I'm sorry, but I can't hear you.
I'm sorry, but speak up.
I'm sorry you're sorry that I'm sorry you're sorry.
Sorry I'm late.
Sorry I burped.
We're sorry.
I speak on behalf of all of us when I say we're sorry.
Sorry I clicked "Reply All."
Sorry I forgot you're lactose-intolerant.
Sorry I forgot you're diabetic.
I just called to say I'm sorry.
Sorry, I don't have any change.
I'm sorry about your face.
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand.
Sorry about the mess.
Sorry about playing electric guitar at the acoustic folk festival.
Sorry, but disco sucks.
I'm sorry, but do you sell typewriter ribbon?
I'm sorry to alarm you.
I'm sorry, but I have to play this game with the sound on.
Sorry I forgot you're a vegetarian.
I'm sorry, but you can't use my cellphone.
Sorry, but I don't follow sports.
Sorry my son beat up your son.
Sorry I told you we weren't friends.
Sorry, we are all out of cream.
Sorry, exact change only.
Sorry about that, Chief.
Sorry about your dog.
Sorry, what a bummer.
I'm sorry to address that.
I'm sorry I didn't, I didn't...you know.
I'm sorry about this list of apologies. I'm sure others existed beforehand.
I'm sorry I didn't take your suggestion and become a fan of your website.
I'm sorry I ate all the marshmallows before my scout troop could make s'mores.
I'm sorry I pushed you into the pool.
147. I'm sorry to switch back to number mode.
I'm sorry you don't like reggae, too.
I'm sorry, but I can't let you in.
I'm sorry about scratching.
Sir! I'm sorry for my pathetic existence, sir!
I'm sorry I barfed.
I'm sorry I sat on the display.
Sorry I slept in.
Sorry, but it's that time of the month.
Sorry I didn't RSVP.
Sorry, but I don't speak French Canadian.
Sorry about canceling "Manimal."
Sorry you had to hear that.
Sorry, but your name is...?
Sorry, but Coco isn't single, she's married to Ice T.
Sorry I lost my CostCo card.
Sorry, but I don't care.
Sorry, were you speaking?
Sorry, but we're going to have to reshoot.
Sorry, but we got the wrong order.
Sorry, but you're full of crap.
Sorry, but I have next game.
Sorry I stood in front of a mirror and said Candyman's name five times in a row.
Sorry you felt that way.
Sorry about the silent treatment, but I was making a point.
Sorry about your feelings.
Sorry I missed your set. Did you kill?
Sorry it isn't bigger.
Sorry, you're bumped.
Sorry you're losing money by not selling me your timeshare.
Sorry I can't help you move.
Sorry about that, Chef Ramsey.
Sorry I was being passive-agressive.
Sorry I'm ugly.
Sorry I was in the shot.
Sorry for existing.
I'm sorry, but I'm not giving away the ending of "Halloween," just telling how "Halloween II" starts.
I'm sorry, but it's against my beliefs.
I'm sorry I wrecked the car.
I'm sorry if I look drunk.
I'm sorry for caring.
I'm sorry to cop out of this premise so soon.
189. I'm sorry I brought back the numbering just when the premise faltered.
190. I'm sorry I'm giving up.
191. I'm sorry, but I'm not giving up.
192. Sorry about being so wishy-washy.
I'm sorry I missed piano lessons.
I'm sorry I forgot my lunch money.
I'm sorry for this paper-thin premise.
I'm sorry again for being self-referential.
Sorry for saying "LOL" and not just laughing out loud.
Sorry for posting drunk on MySpace.
Sorry for calling your girlfriend "fine" in front of her brother.
Sorry, but I don't know you, man.
Sorry, but you're not on the list.
Sorry, but I can't let you in.
I'm sorry, but I don't care who you are.
I'm sorry, but I asked for my soup to be served in a sourdough bowl.
I'm sorry, but I hate bowling.
I'm sorry for being so rude to that ugly girl in junior high.
I'm sorry you're gay.
I'm sorry for eating a free meal at your restaurant and not tipping.
Sorry for that time I didn't give you directions.
I'm sorry I forgot flowers.
I'm sorry to imply you're fat by buying you chocolates for Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I cheated on the PSAT.
I'm sorry I told the guys stories about you.
I'm sorry I faked a MySpace page.
Sorry I just said, "You look sorry."
Sorry I made fun of your precious Facebook.
I'm sorry I compared your butt to your face.
I'm sorry I compared a dog's butt to your face.
Sorry I told you to check out my fart and it was a silent fart.
Sorry, but when I was talking about that, I meant just that.
Sorry about the pizza. This is California, you know.
Sorry I stopped thinking about tomorrow.
SORRY. DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Sorry I didn't send that reel.
I'm sorry, but what do you mean I'm on fire?.
Sorry I don't understand anything you are saying.
I'm sorry I didn't act like what I did was good.
Sorry I knew but acted like I didn't.
I'm sorry, but I'm looking for my Zune.
So we're all sorry.
Sorry, but you're eighty-sixed.
Sorry there's unfinished business between us.
Sorry to know you.
Sorry there's still 265 more apologies after this one.
235. Sorry I mispronounced the headliner's name.
236. Sorry I forgot your wife's name.
237. Sorry, but I'm married.
238. Sorry, but I'm saving myself for marriage.
239. Sorry for the confusion. I'm saving myself for my spouse tonight.
240. Sorry, but that's my taxi.
241. Sorry for bumping into you on the bus.
242. I'm sorry, but I'm allegic to cats.
243. I'm sorry, but I've forgotten my checkbook.
244. I'm sorry this generation will never appreciate that.
245. I'm sorry your pizza is late.
246. I'm sorry, I don't get your point.
247. I'm sorry I parked in your spot again.
248. I'm sorry I ran out on you.
249. I'm sorry your favorite show got cancelled.
250. I'm sorry you don't find me charming.
251. I'm sorry the Hard Rock Casino won't allow firearms.
252. I'm sorry, but we don't exchange any more copies of Madden '06 for Xbox.
253. I'm sorry, but no press allowed.
254. Sorry about them apples.
255. Again, sorry.
256. Sorry, townies only.
257. Sorry, we're not hiring.
258. Sorry, no more auditions.
259. Sorry I dealt it.
260. Sorry I lost my cool.
261. Sorry I ate all the brownies.
262. Sorry, but I'm sitting there.
263. I'm sorry, but my homework ate my dog.
264. Sorry I screwed up apology #263.
265. Sorry for using the numbers again as a crutch.
Sorry I can't watch this scene again.
Sorry, but the bank is closed.
Sorry, but I won't work at Maggie's farm no more, wah wah.
Sorry, but I don't do improv.
Sorry, speak up, we can't hear you.
Sorry, but is that the President?
Sorry I broke character.
Sorry I freaked out on acid.
Sorry I even bothered.
Sorry it took so long.
Sorry, out of order.
We're sorry, but the answer is no.
We're sorry about the blackout.
Sorry for using your bowling ball.
Sorry, can you press third floor please?
I'm sorry, but please return to your seat.
Sorry I won.
Sorry for scaring you.
I'm sorry I just apologized for that.
Sorry I didn't read the script.
Sorry, lobsters are not mammals.
I'm sorry about your limerick rhyme scheme.
I'm sorry about the tiger.
I'm sorry, but I don't do sports.
I'm sorry, you know.
So sorry. Not again.
Sorry about the wifi connection.
Sorry, but this is a robbery.
Sorry, but I have no say in the matter.
Sorry, no lulz.
Sorry, but the ante's fifty dollars.
Sorry about the noise.
Sorry, it's available next week.
Sorry I didn't laugh.
Sorry I misread the contract.
I'm sorry I forgot about Daylight Savings.
I'm sorry whales hate you.
Sorry you got fired.
Sorry I have to fire you.
Sorry about your job.
I'm sorry, but that's all I can take.
I'm sorry I called you a wimp.
Sorry I made that crack about your mother. You know who you are.
Sorry, really.
Sorry I ruined homecoming.
Sorry I ruined the prom.
Sorry I ruined Rush Week.
Sorry I ruined your wedding.
Sorry I ruined my Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry my fly is unzipped.
Sorry my party never got off the hook.
Sorry about my country's president.
Sorry I hate cottage cheese.
Sorry I never listened.
Sorry I only talked about myself.
Sorry I forgot your birthday.
Sorry I can't pronounce the word "specific."
Sorry, but I don't know who Sandy Koufax is.
Sorry for the paparazzi.
Sorry about the tap water.
Sorry I blanked.
Sorry I misspelled your name.
Sorry I told your joke in conversation and did not credit you.
Sorry I returned the DVDs to the wrong Blockbuster.
Sorry, but I ordered the Big Fish combo meal.
Sorry you don't think I'm funny.
Sorry for misusing the word "bourgeois."
Sorry I disrespected your country.
Sorry I disrespected my country.
Sorry, that was inappropriate.
Sorry, but I'm from Jersey and I don't find that funny.
Sorry for bringing a child on an airplane.
Sorry I left you in the car.
Sorry I can't read.
Sorry, I didn't listen to your voice mail, so just tell us what you said.
Sorry I didn't bring people to your open mic.
Sorry I allowed your child to watch television.
I'm sorry I sent Aquaman to Iraq.
Sorry you don't understand me.
Sorry, but did you order the chicken or the veggie?
Sorry for saying, "That's what she said."
Sorry about the poker game.
Sorry it got in your eyes.
Sorry I don't have cable.
Sorry, no Coke, Pepsi.
Sorry about my leering.
I'm sorry I married your mom, too.
I'm sorry, but that's my stash.
I'm sorry I said the Hospitality Club was not a real afterschool activity.
I'm sorry I talk in sing-song.
Sorry I even bothered.
Sorry I made you look like the villain.
Sorry you had to see that.
Sorry about the new shuffleboard hours.
Sorry, but I don't play videogames because I'm an adult.
Sorry I passed out pamphlets to your ant farm.
Sorry I nuked Russia.
Sorry I insulted John Cusack.
Sorry, but "second place" isn't in my vocabulary.
I'm sorry you're amused by my Che t-shirt.
Sorry, Oprah's not on until 4.
Sorry I apologized about Oprah.
Sorry I crashed my car into a helicopter (Bruce Willis only).
Sorry, but I no longer answer for the governor.
Sorry about being a jerk.
I'm sorry I ruined your castle.
Sorry I'm a cliche.
Sorry about the hashtag #sorry.
Sorry I drank the rest of the coffee.
Sorry I popped your balloon.
Sorry you're freaking out, too.
Sorry about your gain.
Sorry about dressing up as the Pope and making you a cheese sandwich.
Sorry for crying.
Sorry I called you "Black Mike" while you were in the room.
Sorry I lied on my resume.
Sorry I won't give you a reference.
Again, sorry I haven't mailed the rent check yet.
Sorry about not giving a spoiler alert when discussing whether Santa Claus is real or not.
I'm sorry I called up the local radio sports show and made a song request.
Sorry I went to the dry cleaners and asked for a sandwich.
Sorry I made fun of your slippers.
I said I'm sorry and I'll say it again: I'm sorry.
Sorry about swallowing your drugs.
Sorry about the fax machine.
Sorry for laughing.
Sorry my term paper has coffee stains on it.
Sorry I sang offkey.
Orry-say or-fay ot-nay answering-way in-way ig-pay atin-lay.
Sorry the stock market won't accept paper clips as money.
Sorry I thought Leno at 10PM was a good idea.
Sorry about ditching in line.
Sorry I was texting.
Sorry if I don't go.
Sorry I didn't stand up for you.
Sorry I lied about breaking the urn.
Sorry I was being boastful.
Sorry I didn't ask you to read for the part.
I'm sorry I insulted that recently deceased celebrity. It's too soon.
Sorry I stepped on your lines. I'm the worst hypeman ever.
Sorry, we don't sell individual celery. You have to buy a whole celery stalk.
Sorry, our hotel is full. Try the manger.
Sorry for the Jesus reference.
Sorry for faking the funk.
Sorry this is taking so long.
Sorry you think I'm Steve.
Sorry, but underwear is not returnable.
Sorry, but I don't know anybody named Steve.
Sorry my space alligator knows algebra.
Sorry I laughed at that sitcom you hate.
Sorry I misplaced my wedding ring.
Sorry I got so drunk I wasn't able to, you know.
Sorry I called your generation worthless.
Sorry money doesn't grow on trees.
Sorry I used the last hundred apologies as status updates.
Sorry, but there's no point in asking.
422. Sorry we're not at 500 yet.
Sorry I keep asking about getting back my Batman videos.
Sorry I never heard of your book.
Sorry to remind you again about my one-man show this Tuesday.
Sorry, but how dare you!
I'm sorry I didn't look for that.
I'm sorry I thought you were older.
I'm sorry I didn't ask you to join us for brunch.
I'm sorry, but you can't do that on television.
I'm sorry, but isn't that the same plot as Freaky Friday, only with Zac Efron?
Sorry I didn't avoid the Noid.
Sorry I don't know what "FTW" means.
Sorry I don't know that celebrity.
Sorry I keep calling.
I'm sorry the potatoes aren't fully cooked.
I'm sorry, but I find Spy Magazine overrated.
I'm sorry, but I didn't read the whole thing.
I'm sorry it's contigous.
I'm sorry, but the printer's out of ink.
I'm sorry, but there's no more booze.
I'm sorry, but I was thinking about girls.
I'm sorry, but if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it.
I'm sorry, but the show must go on.
I'm sorry, but you're in our neighborhood now.
I'm sorry, but I'd like to call a lifeline.
I'm sorry, but I'm new here.
I'm sorry I took money from your purse.
I'm sorry for the time I started screaming.
I'm sorry, but that's my newspaper.
Sorry, but I can't stand Elmo.
Sorry, but why do you need my phone number just so I can buy some batteries?
Sorry to remind you again about the money you owe me.
Sorry I forgot to tell you we're on speakerphone.
Sorry we printed that.
Sorry, I meant to ask for your snail mail address.
Sorry about the PantiesCam.
Sorry, but what the hell happened?
Sorry, but that hat looks ridiculous.
Sorry, but I want to watch the game.
Sorry my fingers were crossed.
Sorry you're annoyed by my breathing.
Sorry you got wait-listed.
Sorry the lemonade is mostly sugar.
Sorry I surf the web at work.
Sorry if I say "knapsack" and not "backpack."
Sorry if I find your internet slang asinine.
Sorry, I wanted this as a mpeg.
Sorry to point at your 'nads.
Sorry, I just woke up.
Again, and I cannot stress this enough, I'm sorry for this list.
Again, sorry I thought this list was funny.
Sorry I find earthquakes funny too.
Sorry I laughed at the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.
Sorry, I just have a crush on Jason Lee.
Sorry this list of apologies is too clever by half.
Sorry I made you watch "My Name Is Earl."
Sorry, just because I do it doesn't mean you can do it.
Sorry this list won't be uh whatever.
Sorry I just ran out of steam.
Sorry, sorry, bo borry, me mi mo morry...Sorry!
Sorry about that...thing?
Sorry I spent six days writing this.
Sorry this isn't ha-ha funny.
Sorry, I thought I could pull this off.
Sorry, but John Travola was the wrong choice for "Hairspray."
Sorry Karen has to edit this.
Sorry I won't sign my job evaluation.
I am sorry about my dog's poop.
I am sorry I made you watch another episode of "My Name is Earl."
Sorry I lied and said Twinkies only come one to a pack.
Sorry I said something you didn't like.
Sorry I rolled my eyes at the governor.
Sorry, but could you point it out on a map?
Sorry but I don't do card tricks, I create illusions.
Sorry there's no pay-off to this list.
Sorry the concept was funnier than the execution.
Sorry this sucks.
I'm sorry I suck.
I'm sorry you suck, too.

3 comments:

Allie said...

This made me laugh really hard! I like how it just starts getting absurd how long this post is, and then that becomes funny in and of itself.

Dean said...

I'm sorry only three of Commented on this entry so far

Charsi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.