Family Restaurant Menu, Part 11: Kids Menu

New! Kids Meals 

All meals come with French fries, tater tots, ginger snaps, or a time-out.

Hot Dog
Hamburger
Mac N Cheese
Macnburger Dog
Lentils 

Crustless Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Add Bacon
Add Crust

New! Big-Boned Kids Meals 
All Big-Boned meals come with chicken tenders.

Ham, Burger
Mac N Cheesewheel 

BLT - Bacon, Lettuce and Taco Sandwich

New! Junk Food disguised as Healthy Food 
Little fussy eaters today eat only nutritional foods they see on television and share on the playground. Trick them into eating fast food disguised as their favorite vegetable. Then, in the car ride back, break the news to them.

Pizza rolls-stuffed bell peppers
Chili dog shaped like brussel sprouts 

Hamburger shaped like a hot dog

New! Kid's Pasta That's Not Mac N Cheese 

Spaghetti and Meatballs
Vegetarian option: Spaghetti

New! Pizza for Infants 
Our single-serving pies feature the most popular toppings for infants, according to Google, Jr.:
Cheese, pepperoni, crap off the floor, paper receipts, chokeables, Daddy's cellphone, cat poop, soda cap, shiny keys.

Puzzle Page for Kids! 

Must purchase meal before solving puzzles. 

Word Search

How many table activities can you find? 

Krossword for Kids 

Clues
1 Across - "Cheesy" part of Mac N Cheese
2 Down - You'd need to crack these to make an omelet
3 Down - Lettuce dish
4 Across - Nick and Nora's Dog

Coloring Fun

 

Salad Jokes 2009

File Under: Salad Jokes

What do you call a rundown salad bar?
An en-dive.


Why did the chicken salad cross the road?
Because it was on a roll.


What salad wasn't invited to the salad Christmas party, and why?
Imitation crab salad; comes off as too phony.


There once was a man who'd kept guessing
Whether to eat salad with or without dressing.
He felt out of place
So he watched Will and Grace,
With that irascible Debra Messing.


What bed and breakfast serves the most popular, in-demand salad?
The Lettuce Inn.


A man is captured by savages who tie him up and bring him to their leader. Leader says, "Council will offer you two choices: death, or salad."
The man says, "'Salad?' Isn't that just an euphemism for barbaric assaults using rocks?"
The leader says, "No. 'Salad' means iceberg lettuce, red onions, tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers and alfalfa sprouts."
"Alfalfa sprouts?" says the man. "Give me death."
"You got it," said the leader. "But first, salad."

Things To Do 1/13/09

Sort dishes.
Follow Twitter users physically.
Update "Felonies" section of resume.
Switch places with rich look-alike.
Stop calling Mr. Seinfeld "Jerry."
High-five more.
Hold social for irrational and imaginery numbers.
Complete tasks from last year's "Things To Do" list.

Losing Lottery Strategies Revealed

Losing lottery number: 34 6 48 12 11 R

Losing strategy revealed: There's no letters found in winning lottery numbers.

Losing lottery number: 34 6 48 12 11 6.5

Losing strategy revealed: Impossible to win lottery using decimals.

Losing lottery number: 34 6 48 12 11 >:{

Losing strategy revealed: Lottery doesn't recognize emoticons.

Losing lottery number: 346-48-1211

Losing strategy revealed: Four-digit numbers infrequently used. Also, President's Social Security number.

Losing lottery number: 34 6 48 12 11 square root of 2

Losing strategy revealed: No irrational numbers.

Losing lottery number: y = 1/x

Losing strategy revealed: Acceptable only when x doesn't equal zero.

Losing lottery number: 34 6 48 12 11 Hi, Tony!

Losing strategy revealed: Tony no longer works for the lottery commission.

Continuation of the Previous Bit: The Best Websites for Making Free Bingo Cards

Tired of hand-printing bingo cards? Sick of high prices for mass production of bingo cards? Relax already, thanks to the Internet. Free, user-friendly bingo cards are just a mouse click or hot key action away. Here are our opinionated votes for 2008's best websites to design and print free bingo cards:

BNG.COM
Unlike other free bingo card sites, BNG has no vowels in its name. Other Web 2.0 features include choice of border color and numbers preference.

makeyourownbingocardstodayforfree.com
Manufacture hundreds of cards, purchase metal spinner and ping pong balls, and rent tables and halls, thanks to the kind mob behind this site. In return, the mob simply asks in return for seventy-five percent of the business, plus interest on upcoming loans. Juice starts at ten percent.

howardsterndivorce.com
Bingo card templates are just some of the features on this site, showing its first major revamp since 2001.

mybingocardfacespacebook.com
Social networking site for free bingo card templates. Not as popular as bingocardster.com.

Please note: As of 2009, all sites have folded.

Big-Box Store Bingo

Make shopping recreational again with Big-Box Store Bingo. Whether shopping a lumber megastore or cruising an appliance superstore, the rules to Big-Box Store Bingo still apply. Scour every nook and cranny inside the giant franchise chain and search for items listed on your bingo card. See it and mark it off. Mark off five in a vertical, horizontal, or diagonal row, and you win! Don't, and you lose!

There's no catch. Bingo card not provided. To learn how to make your own bingo card, for free, read the next article, Continuation of the Previous Bit: The Best Websites for Making Free Bingo Cards.

Big-Box Store Bingo

First row:
(B) Rack of DVDs.
(I) Wire basket of cheap PC games.
(N) Rachael Ray's face somewhere.
(G) Fringe of iced Coke or Pepsi products by check-out counter.
(O) Going out of business.

Second row:
(B) Daddies teaching babies how to walk in Aisle 3.
(I) Lighted sign on a giant metal pole, visible from highway.
(N) Gift certificates for other chains.
(G) Space Monster.
(O) Pipes in own radio station.

Third row:
(B) Parking lot.
(I) Look out - Space Monster!
(N) STAR.
(G) Seasonal merchandise.
(O) Jim Carrey movie tie-in.

Fourth row:
(B) Sean John brand clothing.
(I) Membership cards.
(N) Indoor kiosks.
(G) "We're not accepting applications at this time."
(O) Space Monsters?

Fifth row:
(B) Clearance rack.
(I) I am so clever.
(N) "Welcome! May I help you?"
(G) Pizza Hut Express by door.
(O) Space Monsters!

By columns:

B:
(1) Rack of DVDs.
(2) Daddies teaching babies how to walk in Aisle 3.
(3) Parking lot.
(4) Sean John brand clothing.
(5) Clearance rack.

I:
(1) Wire basket of cheap PC games.
(2) Lighted signs on a giant metal pole, visible from highway.
(3) Look out - Space Monster!
(4) Membership cards.
(5) I am so clever.

N:
(1) Rachael Ray's face somewhere.
(2) Gift certificates for other chains.
(3) STAR.
(4) Indoor Kiosks.
(5) "Welcome! May I help you?"

G:
(1) Fringe of iced Coke or Pepsi products by check-out counter.
(2) Space Monster.
(3) Seasonal merchandise.
(4) "We're not accepting applications at this time."
(5) Pizza Hut Express by door.

O:
(1) Going out of business.
(2) Pipes in own radio station.
(3) Jim Carrey movie tie-in.
(4) Space Monsters?
(5) Space Monsters!