My Argument with Ben Franklin

BEN FRANKLIN: Hello, I'm Ben Franklin. I invented electricity.

ME: You mean you "discovered" electricity.

BEN FRANKLIN: No, I mean I invented electricity.

ME: Discovered.

BEN FRANKLIN: Invented.

ME: Discovered.

BEN FRANKLIN: Invented.

ME: Fuck it, I'm out of here.

Questions I Ask My Doctor

"Does your wife find that beard sexy?"

"Can I borrow this waiting-room copy of American Cheerleader Magazine? I want to finish the interview with Hayden Panettiere."

"Doctor, I don't wear a watch. Do you have the time?"