Extreme nachos are today's nachos, an American spin of the Super Nachos, but watch out: these nachos are extreme. Are extreme nachos taste-bud sensations or gratuitously superfluous? Why do you fear them? We asked noted psychoanalyst Eliza, the 1966 AI simulator software, the latter:
That therapy session is only the first step towards "detreming" and eating extreme nachos. Here's how:GOOD DAY -- WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?Please enter your sentence, or NEW (upper case) to start again.You: I fear extreme nachos.Eliza: WHEN LAST DID YOU DISCUSS SOMEONE ELSE?You: I blogged about it on the internet but you're the first doctor I've discussed my fear of extreme nachos with.Eliza: PEOPLE WITH THE RIGHT CONTACTS KNOW YOU BLOGGED ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET BUT ME AM NOT THE FIRST DOCTOR YOU HAVE DISCUSSED ABOUT YOUR FEAR OF EXTREME NACHOSYou: I am afraid of extreme nachos.Eliza: ARE YOU AFRAID OF EXTREME NACHOSYou: YesEliza: TO HELP YOU, I NEED MORE INFORMATIONYou: What do extreme nachos have that super nachos don't? Is the extreme topping sinister evil itself?Eliza: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?You: Was it gratuitously superfluous of me to use the adjective "sinister" with the word "evil"?Eliza: COULD YOU EXPRESS THAT MORE SIMPLY PLEASE?You: What's your beef?Eliza: ASKING WHAT'S MAY BE THE WRONG QUESTION.You: NEW.RESTARTINGYOUR NEXT QUESTION PLEASE:Please enter your sentence, or NEW (upper case) to start again.
Order Extreme Nachos.
If you're too weak in the knees to say "exteme nachos" to your waitress or counterperson, simply point to a picture of extreme nachos.
To become extreme, extreme nachos undergo extreme modifications not found in regular nachos or super nachos. Ask yourself why. How come the tortilla chips are in strips and not triangles? What's bacon doing in it? And why is the salsa blue? Confront your fears. This will help you face the arrival of your extreme nachos.
Negate Extreme Elements.
When the plate arrivals, simply counteract any extreme toppings to knock it down to super nachos. Here's what experts suggest:
- Remove truffles, gold shavings, and foie gras.
- Add one cup of sugar to negate the fiery extremeness of the jalapeno peppers. We asked the host of Pepperidge Farm Presents Home Kitchen on PBS what the best sugar would be. Here's what he told us:
For sugar, I prefer sugar with a hearty white texture. In my unbiased opinion, Pepperidge Farm Farmhouse Hearty White Sugar is the best sugar to negate fiery extremeness.
- Look for pubic hairs in the sour cream.
- Unfollow Tomato, who you've been following since 2009.
Just eat it already. But Instragram it first. And drink lots of beer. Ironic beer, like Pabst's. And yell "BOOYAH!" or whatever you yell, you dumb hipster who likes and eats nachos ironically.
(c) Mike Spiegelman 2012