- That smell is me.
- No, that's not dog poo on the sidewalk, it is indeed human poo.
- Nobody loves you.
by Mike Spiegelman
Answers to Questions Nobody Wanted Answered
Hanging With My Tweeps 6: @proudlyresents
Hanging With My Tweeps steams live every Saturday at 11am PST. Host and Luggage Tuesdays blogger Mike Spiegelman meets, greets, and tweets with brother Adam Spiegelman, host of Proudly Resents podcast.
Here's what they tweeted on November 24th, 2012:
Hack List November 2012
- Onion bagels that look like garlic bagels.
- Truckers wearing hipster hats.
- Surplus postage stamps that read: "The Simpsons: Season 18 rules!"
- Hack List November 2011.
Hack List October 2012
- Halloween Decorations.
- Thanksgiving Decorations.
- Christmas Decorations.
- New Year's Eve Decorations.
- Burning Christmas tree and holiday decorations in the streets.
Superhero Parody 2012 Annual
The Exciting Adventures of Bystanders
See also: Superman's Top Three Jerk Moves by Anonymous Boy Photographer Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, video version, below; Spider-Man Wants to Join The Avengers; Super Villains Missed Connections; Aquaman catchphrases; Batman vs Iron Man Part 1, Part 2; Superhero Obituaries.
The Exciting Adventures of Bystanders
By Mike Spiegelman (c) 2012.
Superman flies by.
BYSTANDER #1
Look, up in the sky!
BYSTANDER #2
It's Superman.
BYSTANDER #1
It's a bird!
BYSTANDER #2
It's Superman.
BYSTANDER #1
It's a plane!
BYSTANDER #2
It's Superman.
BYSTANDER #1
It's Superman!
BYSTANDER #2
Are you sure?
BYSTANDER #1
Yes.
BYSTANDER #2
Are you?
BYSTANDER #1
Yes.
BYSTANDER #2
Sure that flying man wasn't a bird.
BYSTANDER #1
Ah.
BYSTANDER #2
Sure that guy with a cape wasn't an airplane?
BYSTANDER #1
Yes.
BYSTANDER #2
By the way, were you talking to me or do you always say out loud what you're thinking?
BYSTANDER #1
You're belittling me.
BYSTANDER #2
Sure I'm not a bird?
BYSTANDER #1
Who are you anyway?
BYSTANDER #2
Who am I?
BYSTANDER #1
What's your name?
BYSTANDER #2
OK, chill dude.
BYSTANDER #1
And you are...?
BYSTANDER #2
Peace, man.
BYSTANDER #1
Your name is Peace, Man? Who's that? Who are you?
BYSTANDER #2
Who are you?
BYSTANDER #1
I'm the guy who mistook Superman for a bird. And you are...?
BYSTANDER #2
This is gold. Say that again.
BYSTANDER #1
Wait. Are you recording this?
BYSTANDER #2
Gonna upload to YouTube.
BYSTANDER #1
Gimme that!
BYSTANDER #2
Not cool, you can't acknowledge the camera.
Explosion. Brainiac runs by.
BRAINIAC
Out of my way, I'm Brainiac.
BYSTANDER #1
Look out, it's Brainiac.
BYSTANDER #2
How can you tell? Maybe it was a can of tuna.
BYSTANDER #1
We're bystanders in a world of superheroes and supervillians. Either we point at the action or die in the action.
BYSTANDER #2
Amen, brother.
BYSTANDER #1
I'm not your brother, dickhead.
BYSTANDER #2
Oh, testy.
BYSTANDER #1
Excuse me, I'm late for work.
BYSTANDER #2
Where do you work?
BYSTANDER #1
I sell merchanizing at Duran Duran concerts.
BYSTANDER #2
Mechanizing?
BYSTANDER #1
Merchanizing.
BYSTANDER #2
Merchandise.
BYSTANDER #1
Merch.
BYSTANDER #2
Merch table. Tableful of merch.
BYSTANDER #1
That's funny. Are you still recording this?
BYSTANDER #2
No.
Superman flies by.
BYSTANDER #1
Look, it's Superman!
BYSTANDER #2
Neat!
FIN
Pickle Me, Elmo: The Best Elmo Jokes
And to think I've always was leery of Mr. Noodle.
Things were amiss when PBS discovered Elmo's World was actually Neverland Ranch.
Who knew Time Square Elmo was the normal one.
Dear guy dressed as Batman on Hollywood Blvd: Arrest the guy dressed as Elmo next to you.
Why did Elmo visit Grouchland? The age of consent there is 15.
Also, Sesame Street is actually an avenue.
PBS got suspicious when they realized Kevin Clash's hand was not up an Elmo puppet. And with that joke, I thank you.
Things were amiss when PBS discovered Elmo's World was actually Neverland Ranch.
Who knew Time Square Elmo was the normal one.
Dear guy dressed as Batman on Hollywood Blvd: Arrest the guy dressed as Elmo next to you.
Why did Elmo visit Grouchland? The age of consent there is 15.
Also, Sesame Street is actually an avenue.
PBS got suspicious when they realized Kevin Clash's hand was not up an Elmo puppet. And with that joke, I thank you.
Video: Hanging With My Tweeps 4
Hanging With My Tweeps 4: @WarrenHolstein @Spiegelmania
Streamed live on Nov 10, 2012
New York comedian @WarrenHolstein and San Francisco comic @spiegelmania live chat person-to-person then live tweet to corporations. Will corporations respond? Spoiler: no.
Hanging With My Tweeps is a weekly video podcast that has Mike Spiegelman talk to people he follows on Twitter. Then they all tweet.
Results of Warren's and Mike's tweets:
10 Mitt Romney Jokes (Post-Election Special)
1. Q. Why did Mitt Romney cross the road? A. Who's Mitt Romney?
2. Q. Why does Mitt Romney wear red suspenders? A. Who's Mitt Romney?
3. Q. What do you get when you cross Mitt Romney with Anne Romney? A. Some strangers' kids?
4. Q. Why did Mitt Romney throw a clock out the window? A. Who threw a clock out a window?
5. Q. Why did Mitt Romney throw butter out the window? A. Who threw butter out a window?
6. Q. What did Mitt Romney say to the crossing guard? A. "Who's Mitt Romney?"
7. Q. How can you fit 500 Mitt Romneys in a Volkswagon? A. La Machine - also, who's Mitt Romney and what's a La Machine?
8. Q. Did you hear about Mitt Romney's voyage to the sun? A. No.
9. Q. Did you hear about Mitt Romney's submarine? A. No.
10. Q. Why does Mitt Romney drive on the left side of the street? A. Who's Mitt Romney?
Interrupted Stories, Resumed (Listed Alphabetically)
All in all, it was the least I could do, considering.
Also, the 22-Fillmore was delayed, so I walked the 20 blocks to the Marina District.
American Apparel responded with a patronizing tweet.
And then, the fucking bouncer goes, "I said I don't have your driver's license, Mr. Spiegelman." And I go, "Then how do you know my name is 'Spiegelman'?" And then he ignored me. I kept calling him a fucking bouncer to people in line, and then finally he just hands me my license and continues ignoring me. Fucking bouncers, am I right?
Anyhoo, the concert had ended two hours prior, so we played Xbox.
Anyway, my wedding band was on my right ring finger, not my left.
Aquafina was fifty cents more than Delfina, and when I confronted the owner he ignored me like a fucking bouncer.
Ayize Jama-Everett's The Liminal People is my favorite science fiction novel.
What was I talking about?
Also, the 22-Fillmore was delayed, so I walked the 20 blocks to the Marina District.
American Apparel responded with a patronizing tweet.
And then, the fucking bouncer goes, "I said I don't have your driver's license, Mr. Spiegelman." And I go, "Then how do you know my name is 'Spiegelman'?" And then he ignored me. I kept calling him a fucking bouncer to people in line, and then finally he just hands me my license and continues ignoring me. Fucking bouncers, am I right?
Anyhoo, the concert had ended two hours prior, so we played Xbox.
Anyway, my wedding band was on my right ring finger, not my left.
Aquafina was fifty cents more than Delfina, and when I confronted the owner he ignored me like a fucking bouncer.
Ayize Jama-Everett's The Liminal People is my favorite science fiction novel.
What was I talking about?
Meet Luggage Tuesdays' Neighbor: The Internet! [November 2012 links]
Did you know there's more to the internet than this humor site? Mike Spiegelman does. While writing mushroom jokes for Luggage Tuesdays, he's also:
- Teaching Millenials how to Kegel on ebaumsworld.
- Schooling Radio School with Cory & Lex with standup performed live from a San Francisco radio station.
- Hanging with his tweeps on his show, Hanging With My Tweeps, every Saturday morning 11am PST.
Episode 3: @thefatling @_RomanLeo
Episode 2: @georgethechen
Episode 1: @RichNeezy
- Performing Road Trip to Pluto this weekend and next at the Darkroom theater.
Road Trip to Pluto Playbill
- Hosting Election Night stand-up comedy.
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