Jokes About Hangovers

Jokes About Hangovers
Out of consideration, there will be no knock-knock jokes. 

How many people with a hangover does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Keep the lights off. 

A teetotaler, a pothead, and a hungover drunk encounter a genie in a bottle, a bottle that one of the three might have rubbed or something. 

The genie grants each a wish. 

"I wish for a sex dungeon," said the teetotaler, "one where I can unleash carnal depravity in modern and old-school arenas, complete with an oxygen bar that serves wheatgrass."

"I wish for world peace," said the pothead. "And an ice-cream sandwich, like an It's It brand ice-cream sandwich. They're locally made in the City." 

"No," said the teetotaler, "Their main office is in Burlingame." 

"They're originally from the City," replied the pothead. 

The drunk turned to the genie. "I wish these two would shut up already," said the drunk. 

Jokes About Hangovers, Part II 

How many people with a hangover does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Keep the lights off -- IN THAILAND.

A teetotaler, a pothead, and a hungover drunk encounter a genie in a bottle, a bottle that one of the three might have rubbed or something. 

The genie grants each a wish. 

"I wish for a sex dungeon," said the teetotaler, "one where I can unleash carnal depravity in modern and old-school arenas, complete with an oxygen bar that serves wheatgrass."

"I wish for world peace," said the pothead. "And an ice-cream sandwich, like a It's It brand ice-cream sandwich. They're locally made in the City." 

"No," said the teetotaler, "Their main office is in Burlingame." 

"They're originally from the City," replied the pothead. 

The drunk turned to the genie. "I wish these two would shut up already," said the drunk -- IN THAILAND. 

Hack List March 2012

• Seven and Seven Times Seven: Seagram's Seven Crown and 7-Up cocktail served in a milk carton.  
• Harvey BallBanger: Junk-dunked cocktail containing vodka, Galliano, and orange juice.
• Hack List February 2012

From the Editor: Aristotele

Waiter, There's A Fly in My Soup!

Restaurant Patron: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Shh! Not so loud, then everybody'll want one.
Patron: What, they would want flies?
Waiter: No, service.

Nostradamus the Waiter: Doing the backstroke, sir.
Restaurant Patron: Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup -- hey, wait a minute?!

Restaurant Patron: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Sir, you're eating a sandwich.
Patron: It happened last week!

Restaurant Patron: Waiter, what would you recommend?
Fly (disguised as the waiter): Try the soup.

Restaurant Patron: Waiter, there's a pony in my soup!
Waiter: A little horse?
Patron: Yes, that's why I ordered the soup!

Restaurant Patron (spills soup on pants, points to zipper): Waiter, there's soup on my fly!

Fly in Soup: It's ironic.
Waiter: What is?
Fly: That for a creature known as a fly, I would die drowning.

Café Gratitude Restaurant Patron: Waiter, I Am Fly in Soup.

Restaurant Patron: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Plus it's canned soup, so you'll pee out high levels of bpa, too.

Cannibalistic Talking Fly: Waiter! There's no fly in my soup!

[via Twitter and Witstream]

Plug: SF Sketchfest 2012

I'll be performing two shows this week at the 2012 San Francisco Sketchfest: 

Wednesday, January 25th, 8pm at the Eureka Theater, it's Laundry Basket & Spiegelman & Friends, starring the comedy duo of Laundry Basket and Spiegelman, with special guests Comedian 4D the Time-Traveling Professional Road Comic, and Rip Van Winkle, America's First Comedian (Rip originally appeared here in Luggage Tuesdays). Tickets.

Updated 1/29: Photos from the show are online here and here!

Sunday, January 29th, I will be cohosting Bad Movie Night with Jim Fourniadis and Sherilyn Connelly at the Darkroom Theater. We're heckling the very odd Voyage to the Planet of the Prehistoric Women. Tickets.