Family Restaurant Menu, Part 8: Breakfast

Breakfast Served All Day, Except During Brunch

Morning Dews
Check out Beverages in our menu for lunch and dinner related drinks.

Liquid Starters
Must look 21 years or older.

Mimosa - Fresh orange juice mixed with champagne.
Maxosa - Fresh orange juice mixed with Royal Gate Vodka.
Bloody Mary - Tomato juice, vodka, Tabasco Sauce, celery stalk, radish, hugged by our bartender
Bloodless Mary - Vodka, Tabasco Sauce, celery stalk, radish
Bloody Hairy - Bloody Mary with waiter's hair in it

LPBs - Left-Over Party Beers
Start your morning like you did in college: drinking left-over bottles of beer from last night's party. Guaranteed half-full of flat beer.
Original, or customize:
- Add lipstick marks
- Add cigarette butt
- Add waiter's hair

Non-Alcoholic Liquid Starters
Glass of freshly squeezed orange drink
Small glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, nestled in a bowl of ice, just like the type Milton Berle drank in the 1966 movie The Oscar
Glass of tomato juice
Glass of milk
Milk served in a dirty glass

Coffee
Espresso drinks available in test markets only.

We offer three unique blends: Hot Flavored Water, Individually Dripped Double Strength Migraine-Causing Sewer Water, or Hazelnut.
Decaf no longer available.
Comes in three proprietary sizes: Zerk, Meduiminito, and Blark.

Pitcher of coffee also available. Give an icy glare to your waitress for more information.

Served with half and half, milk, Mini Moos, new sodium caseinate-free non-dairy powered creamer, white sugar, cane sugar, brown sugar, Splenda, NutraSweet, SugarTwin, NeoSaccharin, YumYumFake, Xylitol, or syrup.


Non-Liquid Starters

New! Slice of Melon
- Add prosciutto
- Add bacon

New! Half Grapefruit
- Add maraschino cherries to form clown's face

Classic! Bowl of Oatmeal or Cold Cereal
Just like you make at home. Seriously, why are you ordering this?

Omelets
Served with those tiny seasoned potatoes that always give you diarrhea, plus choice of toast.

New! Classic Omelet
Made with 3 eggs and your choice of American cheese: white or yellow.

New! Too Much Pesto Omelet
Made with pesto sauce, 3 eggs, pesto sauce, feta cheese, pesto sauce, zucchini, carrots, pesto sauce, onions, spinach, pesto sauce, and pine nuts, topped with pesto sauce.

New! Southwest Airlines Southwestern Omelet
Available only for Section A Seats 25-29 ticket holders.

New! Californian Tomato Spinach Jalapeno Pepper Double Dare
We dare you to eat this and not get E. coli.

Mega Meat Omelet
Donald the Breakfast Guy says:
Hey Carnivore-Dudes, it's me, Donald the Breakfast Guy, asking you: why not eat 16 meats for breakfast, bra? This 3-egger starts with ham, sausage, bacon, and scrapple. So that's one animal there. We sprinkle in diced grilled chicken breast, just to let the eggs know who's boss. Then we mix in cowburger, bison strips, turducken bites, turkey bacon, lobster snaps, scrod scraps, and boneless buffalo wings. Want bratwurst? Extreme! How about Mexican goat? After eating this, you'll bend over, clutch your butt, and yell, "Goat! Si!"

Served with two strips of bacon, two sausage links, hash browns, and two fluffy buttermilk pancakes.

New! Hangover Remedy Omelet
It's a double serving of our Mega Meat Omelet with a double serving of those tiny diarrhea potatoes.

New! Poser Omelet
This 3-egg omelet is prepared with grilled bell peppers, onions, leeks, zucchini, and broccoli florets. We call it the "Poser" because a real vegetarian wouldn't eat eggs.

Egg Scrambles
Have a hearty but lighter spin on an omelet. It's a playful new take, and the new name of our old menu section Omelet Failures.

Served with tiny seasoned diarrhea taters, plus choice of toast. Each scramble is made from 3 fresh eggs and your choice of 2 pizza toppings breakfast fillings:
Onions, bell peppers, mushrooms, chalk, green onions, scallions, green scallions, bacon, sausage, ground beef, pepperoni, anchovies, car keys.

Eggs That Are Neither Omelets Nor Scrambles
Comes with diarrhea-free home fries and choice of toast. Served any style.
Scrambled
Fried
Poached
Hard-boiled
Sunny side up
Sunny side down
Over easy
Runny
Egg whites only
Egg yolks only
Hatched, raised, killed, plucked, and fried in crispy batter

Lumberjack Specials

Classic! Lumberjack Classic 3 eggs, any style, with 2 sausage links, 2 bacon strips, ham steak, Canadian bacon, short pancake stack, waffle, home fries, grits, toast, garnish.

New! Double Lumberjack
6 eggs, any style, with 4 sausage links, 4 bacon strips, 2 ham steaks, bacon shaped like Canada, tall pancake stack, waffle cube, hash browns, grits, toast, choice of dessert, garnish.

New! Double Double Lumberjack
13 eggs, any style, with 8 sausage links, 8 bacon strips, a ham, Canadian citizenship, mega pancake stack, fourth dimensional waffle Klein bottle, those tiny seasoned potatoes that always give you diarrhea afterward, grits, toast, choice of dessert, cognac, garnish.

New! Diet Lumberjack
2 1/2 eggs, any style, with a sausage link, a bacon strip, ham steak strip, Canadian bacon, one pancake, one waffle, a scoop of cottage cheese on a lettuce leaf, garnish.

New! Lumberjack Junior
2 eggs, any style, with two strips of Canadian sausbacoham, pancake waffle toast, garnish.

New! Tree Hugger
Soy scramble, with 2 soysage links, 2 blahcon strips, "ham" "steak", Canadian seitan, quinoa grits, entree serving of garnish.

New! Lumberjunk Special
Same as a Classic, but our chef will personally dunk his junk in your breakfast.

Breakfast Entrees

New! Breakfast Burrito
For those who still refuse to eat breakfast with utensils. We wrap scrambled eggs, potatoes, cheese, grits, and breakfast meat into a grip-friendly tortilla. Served with really, really good green salsa or really, really bad red salsa.

New! Breakfast Tacos
We put scrambled eggs, shredded cheese, and chopped lettuce into 3 crispy hard-shelled corn taco shells and charge you money for it.

New! Breakfast Nachos
Scrambled eggs, refried beans, and shredded cheese served on top of toasted tortilla chips.

New! Super Breakfast Nachos
We supersize our normal Breakfast Nachos by adding bacon, sausage, ham, guacamole, and sour cream.

New! Steak-umms & Eggs
USDA Choice sliced steak with 3 eggs, any style. Served on a bun.

New! CSI: My Hammie®
Scrambled eggs, cheese, and ham get squeezed by slices of toast, and justice is served. Served with home fries. YEAH!!!!

New! Pancakes
Topped with powered sugar or your money back guaranteed.
We proudly serve 36 redundant pancake styles: Plain, Normal, Average, Buttermilk, Buttermilk Walnut, Walnut Buttermilk, Buttermilk Nut (pecans), Nut Buttermilk (pecans), Fruit, Fruity, Fruit Medley, Fruit Combo, Buttermilk Fruit, Fruit Buttermilk, Chocolate Chips, Banana, Bananas, Banana Buttermilk, Buttermilk Banana, Banana Walnut, Walnut Banana, Walnut Banana Chocolate Chips, Extra Crispy, Extra Fluffy, Cinnamon Apple, Apple Cinnamon, Fruit Compote, Captain Crunch, Captain Crunch's Crunch Berries, Cap'n Crunch's Peanut Butter Crunch, With Cap'n Crunch, Without Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries, Without Cap'n Crunch's Peanut Butter Crunch, Ham, Sausage, Pepperoni, Bacon.

Available as a short stack, tall stack, or fat guy stack.

Swedish Pancakes
Served with butter, maple syrup, and various jam packages.

New! Waffles
Don't waffle on this hip-to-be-square breakfast blast. It's your ideal maple syrup receptacle and comes in Buttermilk, Chocolate Chip, or Tooth-Cracking Nuts.
Add fresh fruit, fruit compote, whipped cream, scoop of ice cream, or whatever will make you eat a waffle.

Available as a waffle stack, waffle cube, or waffle matrix.

New! French Toast
3 hearty slices of stale bread dunked in eggy half and half, then fried and baked until edible. Thanks, France.
Add strawberry, banana, whipped cream, pancakes.

New! French Toaster Pastries
2 thick French toast pieces stuffed with your choice of Cinnamon Apple or Cookies & Cream filling. Iced with strawberry frosting.

Bagels
Shipped to our family restaurant daily by actual Jews. Served plain, toasted, with or without butter. Jelly available upon request. Jam verboten.
Featuring traditional favorites: plain, poppy, garlic, onion, pumpernickel, sesame, everything.
Also featuring neotraditional favorites: cinnamon raisin, chocolate chip, blueberry, caramel swirl, maple, powdered sugar.
Traditional cream cheeses available: plain, chives, whitefish.
Neotraditional cream cheese spreads also available: creamy bacon, Frito-Lays brand bean dip (whole or half can), Miracle Whip with lox.

Breakfast Bagel Banwich
Scrambled egg, American yellow cheese, choice of sausage or bacon patty.

Muffins
Choice of plain, blueberry, cranberry, bran, apple cinnamon, or junk-dunked.

Breakfast Sides
4 strips of bacon
4 links of sausage
1 ham steak
1 hamburger patty
1 fried chicken dinner
1 English muffin
1 cheese Danish
1 egg, any style

New! Hash Browns
Add grilled onions
Add cheddar cheese
Add gravy
Add French fries

1 comment:

Dean said...

Ehhhh... I'll just have a cup of soup and Blark mocha with extra whipped cream...