When it's time for safety, remember to play it safe. Too little safety can lead to serious, not-to-laugh-at health problems, like runny diarrhea. Be sure to be safe and you can enjoy safety safely.
Never leave yourself in a hot parked car, especially if you're a baby or a puppy.
Remember to breathe regularly. Check your pulse if you're not breathing to see if you're in fact dead.
Teach kids to read. This will prevent them from stabbing you in the future.
If it's yellow, keep it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. If it stinks, use the sink.
To avoid city cyclists, don't walk on the sidewalk. Walk somewhere bicyclists avoid, such as the bike lane or street.
Caped crusading should be left to professionals.
Steer clear of scams like "Who Can Punch the Lightest?" and "52 Card Pick-Up" contests.
When traveling as a salesman and spending the night at a farm, do not stick your privates into the three holes in the barn wall.
Policemen and firemen should not trust each other. Remember: red and blue don't mix.
Try to avoid using big words with friends. Using big words incorrectly results in superfluous schadenfreude.