Family Restaurant Menu, Part 15: To-Go Menu

Order your meal here, close the deal at home.
Please don't wait for your order at our tables. Tables are for closers.

New! To-Go only! Morning Meeting Munchbox.

One state-of-the-art insular paper portable canteen of inferior coffee.

One dozen of our Business Breakfast Bagels. Guaranteed to have one good bagel and eleven inedible ones. First come, first served: fresh lobster bagel, plain (thawed), plain (stale), mincemeat, sticky onion, rock salt, one everything bagel featuring poppies, and 6 pumpernickels.

Cream Cheese Straw Pack: 2 plain cream cheese straws, 2 chives, 2 strawberry cream, 1 chococheese, 2 salmon, 1 vanilla frosting.

Morning Meeting Muffins: blueberry, cranberry, bran, corn. WARNING: Muffins turn poisonous when left in an office kitchen.

New! High Quantity Low Price Sandwiches Tray
12 Meter-Long Sub sandwiches for just $8.99. Feed your family or eat them all yourself. We won't judge.

New! To-Go only! Pizza Pizza Pizza Pizza Pizza 5 Pie Pizza Pie
5 large combos come out of the oven and get stacked into a deep-dish pizza box. Pizza Pizza Pizza Pizza Pizza 5 Pie Pizza Pie contains one Meat Tapper's pizza, one Veggie Shagger's pizza, one Hawaiian Lover's pizza, one Sex Liker's pizza, and one pepperoni.

New! To-Go only! Bucket of Pork Chops.
Make your party a pork chop party. Sample a dozen of our brand-name pork chops: 2 OriginalChops, 2 CrispyChops, 1 DoubleChop, 1 Bacon DoubleChop, 2 Apple Sauce Stuff'dChops, 2 BeefChops, 1 MysteryChop, and 6 piece ChopNuggets.

New! To-Go only! Miley Cyrus Birthday Cake.
Luscious velvet chocolate cake frosted with the inscription: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MILEY CYRUS!

To-Go Beverages.
Coffee. Small $1.25. Large $1.45. Choice of Greek columns or stud poker paper cup.
Tea. Small $1.25. Large $1.45. Served in a Styrofoam cup. Choice of blue teabag label, orange label, or fancy label.

To Marketing
From Legal
Don't forget to mention Meter-Long Sub sandwiches are made from rat meat.

From Marketing
To Legal
Too late.

From Legal
To Marketing
Did you by chance go forward in time and include this email thread in the menu again?

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1 comment:

Deborah Walker said...

When I saw the restaurant menu prices , I cannot believe my eyes. I can have them within my little amount also. This is so great to take my family and enjoy the meal in there.