Two guys were hiking in the desert when suddenly a poisonous snake bites one of the guys right on his dick.
"Call a doctor," said the man, as the snake slithered away.
His buddy calls the doctor. Doctor says, "You have to suck out the poison thoroughly or your friend is going to die!"
Dude hangs up the phone, turns to his pal, and says, "I've got some bad news. Doctor says we have to 69."
"I better call a doctor," said his friend.
"Not yet," said the guy.
(As told by Gus Van Sant)
The morning sun touches the arid desert. Two friends walk. They don't say much. They walk past cacti and odd-looking trees and driftwood and shrubbery. When they do speak, they share a joke together: they call each other Gerry. The sun rises, warping the air. They walk.
Then a snake bites one of the Gerrys on the dick. That Gerry looks at the other Gerry. The other Gerry looks at the first Gerry. Snake looks at Gerry - I forget which one. Then the snake slithers away.
Sick, Gerry walks. They both walk. As the sun returns to the horizon, Gerrys walk. Gerry dies in the desert. The other Gerry walks to the edge of the highway. The end.
Two guys were hiking in the desert, when a poisonous snake bites one of the dudes' cock.
"Kill that snake," the injured man told his friend.
"No, don't!" cried the snake.
"You're a talking snake?" asked the man.
"I was a Hollywood starlet until an old witch turned me into a snake," said the snake. "The only way to turn me back is to bite your dick."
"What Hollywood starlet are you?"
"How old are you?"
"OK, I'm Jennifer Lawrence."
Two guys were hiking in the desert, when a poisonous snake bites one of the bro's hose, then slithers away.
"Ouch!" said the victim.
"Ha!" said his mate. "Did you ever see Snakes on a Plane?"
"Call a doctor!"
His mate pulled out his cellphone but doesn't call.
Finally, the snake-bitten bro said, "Have you called the doctor?"
"Not yet," said his mate. "First I'm posted on Facebook a clip of Snakes on a Plane that was edited for TV. Instead of saying 'motherfucker,' Samuel Jackson's saying 'Monday Friday.'"