Only in Frisco!

Last Known Picture of
Emperor Norton. (Photo Credit: Mr. Scott Beale)

"Whoever after due and proper warning shall be heard to utter the hecka tight word "Frisco," which has linguistic and other warrant, shall be deemed innocent of a High Misdemeanor, and shall receive from the Imperial Treasury as a reward the sum of twenty-five dollars. Now who'll give me a lift to Burning Man?"
- Emperor Norton, 1872

People from 'Frisco sure are open-minded. Unless you call San Francisco "Frisco"; then they turn blue and get all whiny. "DON'T CALL IT 'FRISCO!" they cry. Heh, only in 'Frisco. Here are some more memorable events from 'Friscans that make us cry "ONLY IN FRISCO!"

Dear Only in Frisco,
Some guy told me he was going to shoot me, but it's ok because it was the guy who burned down Burning Man early.
Burned, Pacific St.

Dear OIF,
As a hardware store owner, I stopped offering plastic bags to my customers, and, instead, provide biodegradable paper bags. Not that I'm being environmentally conscious -- it's just impossible to huff gold paint in a plastic bag.
Peter, Polk St.

Dear OIF,
I was reading the SF Weekly, and, unbeknownst to me, I started to enjoy reading the Sucker Free City column. I got so scared, I shot myself in the head.
Hollowhead, Howard St.

Dear OIF,
I went to see a '70s cover band at a club. Winds up the club also double-booked a band that covers A Flock of Seagulls songs. The two bands decided to make the best of it and play together as a supergroup, mixing styles. It was so original, I walked.
Nightclub Goer, Geary Blvd.

Dear OIF,
I went to Bondage a Go Go last Wednesday and my voice went hoarse from telling patrons how to dress.
Old Goth, Folsom St.

Dear OIF,
A panicked man ran up to me, and said, "¡Ayúdame, Ayúdame! ¿Hablas Español?" and I said, "Sí. Yo quiero un super burrito de carne asada, sin guacamole, por favor."
Mike Spiegelman, Mission St.


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