The Final Scene From My Screenplay, a Neo Noir Thriller With a Twist Ending

Grimsley: There's not a moment to lose. Throw me the money!

Klatsman: You won't double-cross me?

Grimsley: No! Come on, step-bro! The lava's seeping through the basement!

Klatsman: No double-crossy dealie, then?

Grimsley: Lava!

Klatsman throws over the suitcase. Grimsley pulls out a gun.

Grimsley: False alarm. Seems like the hot lava was just harmless magma. I'll be checking in my luggage now, if you don't mind.

Klatsman: You double-crossed me! And I never saw it coming. What would our parole officer think?

Grimsley: Ed? Let's just say he had an unfortunate trip at the volcano conservatory deck. He was head over heels over the magma exhibit. No mo' P.O.

Ed: More like: No mo' Mr. Nice Guy.

Enter Ed. Cover version of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" plays in background

Grimsley: But how?

Ed: Hand me the money.

Klatsman: But if Ed's alive, that means...

Female Bus Driver enters, holding a rapier.

Female Bus Driver: ...that the Pacific Princess wasn't in dry dock after all.

Klatsman: I thought you had to pilgrimage to Mecca?

Female Bus Driver: Travel plans cancelled. Now throw me our money or I'll stab you all.

Klatsman: Better do as she says, Grimsley.

Ed: Throw her the money already. Our hovercraft ascends in 20 minutes.

Grimsley: Easy come, easy go.

Grimsley throws suitcase to Female Bus Driver.

Ed: We got what we wanted. Let's roll.

Female Bus Driver: I want to say something ironic first.

Ed: Don't bother.

Female Bus Driver: Let me take a stab at it.

Female Bus Driver stabs Ed.

Ed: Why?

Female Bus Driver: This is for drowning my family.

We see from Ed's face that all the jigsaw pieces have fallen.

CUT TO: Sepia-toned flashbacks of key scenes from the movie superimposed over Ed as it all adds up. Key scenes:

At the post office, waiting in line as Ed overhears someone say, "Don't believe everything you see."
At Ed's parole office, Grimsley says, "I've banged all kinds of women: sharks, angels, bus drivers..."
At the Who concert, Ed checks a text message on his phone: GO 2 VOLCANO - KLATSMAN.
At table read, director tells actor portraying Ed: "Female Bus Driver will double-cross you."
At lake, Ed is drowning Female Bus Driver's family.

CUT BACK TO: Ext. Present day Vancouver posing as Brooklyn.

Ed: Wait a minute, I know you now. You're not an Alaskan bar-fly after all. You're the female bus driver!

Female Bus Driver: Next stop, Stab Street. Female Bus Driver fatally stabs parole officer.

Ed: Wait, you're reciting your stage directions...while

Female Bus Driver: How ironic.

Ed dies. Female Bus Driver takes Ed's gun and shoots Klatsman and Grimsley.

End credits. Thirty seconds in, cut to this startling scene:
Klatsman stand up and removes bullet-proof vest. Klatsman walks up to Female Bus Driver and the two passionately kiss.

Klatsman: Think we fooled them?

End credits resume.
End credits finish.

Female Bus Driver shoots Klatsman. Ed walks up to Female Bus Driver.

Ed: Nice shot.

Ed takes the suitcase and Female Bus Driver and Ed walk off.

1 comment:

Dean said...

The graphic novel was better...