File under: Salad Jokes.
See also: Tom Swifty jokes on Wikipedia.
"This salad genuinely complements my meal," Tom Swifty said organically.
"I'll have the Caesar salad," Tom said imperially.
"Artichoke salad should never be served grilled," said Tom cold-heartedly.
"That's crazy talk to say all I do is talk about radicchio," Tom said ridiculously.
"I nearly choked on this spicy ranch dressing," Tom said hoarsely.
"I spent all night deveining ribs of celery," said Tom, strung-out.
"I love to eat my salad rolled into a flour tortilla," Tom said raptly.
"All these vegetables grew from my compost pile," said Tom, full of shit.
"You can tell a four-star restaurant by the way the waiter serves the salad. Oh, hang on, that's my iPhone ringing. I need to answer that," Tom said rudely.