Did You Hear About the Three Holes in the Ground?

Did you hear about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.

Did you hear about the 47 holes in the ground?
Well, well, well,...(con't)

Did you hear about the hole in the ground shaped like the letter O?
O well.

Did you hear about the hole in the ground dug into the ore deposit that makes water hallucinogenic?
Drink the water now, and in the future, experience an Ore Well-ian nightmare.

Did you hear about the Morgans?
Winds up the upscale urban couple witnessed a crime and got relocated to the rural sticks. To learn more, visit www.didyouhearaboutthemorgans.com.

Did you hear about that hole in the ground?
Some say the hole began as a well, but construction was abandoned halfway through. Others say the hole is the only remains of an early 20th century outhouse. Most, though, don't think much about holes in the ground. I don't find the humor in something as trivial as a hole in the ground.

Did you hear about the moron who threw a clock out the window?
Yes. It was my clock. That moron owes me a new clock.

Abridged Jokes

During World War II, a German firing squad captures an American soldier, an English soldier, and a Polish soldier. The first two soldiers escape by yelling out fabricated natural disasters, while the last soldier ironically yells out the natural disaster of "fire," which prompted his execution.

A travelling salesman ends up sleeping at a farmer's house. The farmer warns the salesman not to stick his genitals into any of the three holes on the side of the barn. The salesman totally does, and, in the morning, high-fives the farmer.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Three bananas and an orange.
Three bananas and an orange who?
...And we're done.

A tribe of savages captures two explorers. The leader says, "You have two choices: death or foo-foo." And the first explorer goes, "Yeah, yeah, just give me the one that's not forced sodomy."

Legal Notification From My Clones

Dear Mr. Spiegelman,

Your recent posts regarding conversations between a clone and among clones has attracted our law firm of Spiegelman, Spiegelman & Spiegelman.

Your previous two bits liberally plagiarizes whole patches of content written by our anonymous clients:

John Doe 1, John Doe 2, John Doe 3, John Doe 4, John Doe 5, John Doe 6, John Doe 7, John Doe 8, John Doe 9, John Doe 10, John Doe 11, John Doe 12, John Doe 13, John Doe 14, John Doe 15, John Doe 16, John Doe 17, John Doe 18, John Doe 19, John Doe 20, John Doe 21, John Doe 22, John Doe 23, John Doe 24, John Doe 25, John Doe 26, John Doe 27, John Doe 28, John Doe 29, John Doe 30, John Doe 31, John Doe 32, John Doe 33, John Doe 34, John Doe 35, John Doe 36, John Doe 37, John Doe 38, John Doe 39, John Doe 40, John Doe 41, John Doe 42, John Doe 43, John Doe 44, John Doe 45, John Doe 46, John Doe 47, John Doe 48, John Doe 49, John Doe 50, John Doe 51, John Doe 52.

Says John Doe 18, "We just want to maintain the good name of Spiegelman."

Signed,

M. Spiegelman, Esq.


See Also: Conversations With My Clone, Conversations With My Clones

Conversations With My Clones

"Now, you all know why I've asked you here."
"Tickets to see that Men Without Hats concert at Madison Square Garden sold out. Too bad. They're my favorite band."
"Only jobs available are menial tasks and family visiting."
"Where the hell did you come from?"
No, your a clones. #conversationswithmyclones
"Let's pretend we're Betty."

See Also: Conversations With My Clone, Legal Notification From My Clones

Conversations With My Clone

"Who ate all the anchovy-filled olives? They're my favorite!"
"You can't have your own clone."
"With our literary ambitions and being clones, we can successfully pull off what J. T. LeRoy couldn't."
"You better not be doing in the shower what I think you're doing."
No, your a clone. #conversationswithmyclone 
"Spoiler alert!"
"Give me back my phone."
"You double-crossed me! And I never saw it coming. What would our parole officer think?"
"For the last time: no, you can't have your own clone."
"Your turn to visit Step-Mum."
"My turn to use the Frequent Sandwich Rewards card."
"How did you get management and I didn't? What showcase did they see your set?"

See Also: Conversations With My Clones, Legal Notification From My Clones

Photo Poll

Is the coffee at this Downtown Oakland dentist office worth it?

• Totally. 
• Surprisingly disappointing.