130 Sure-Fire Tips to Read Your Own Blog

With so much content online, you can easily skip important sites, like your own blog. That's a shame, considering your blog might interest you. On the flipside, your blog should also appeal to you. Are there steps to make you read your blog as well as write material relevant to you as well? Yes. Here are 130 proven ways:

1. Write about things that interest you, like that time at that summer cottage.
2. Add links to your favorite sites, like Google.com and Facebook.
3. Don't give away endings to movies you haven't seen.
4. Run a contest offering prizes.
5. Refer to self in posts.
6. Post flattering pictures of yourself.
7. Pose questions only you can answer.
8. Add mazes -- that is, if you enjoy mazes.
9. Live webcam blog during your favorite television shows.
10. Membership portal includes autographed photos of self.
11. Write first-person expose of autographing photos of self, then selling those autographs to self.
12. "WHERE ARE THEY NOW?" expose features losers from high school.
13. Post agreeable photos of self.
14. Launch YouTube submission channel for the "Photoshop Agreeable Photos of Self Contest (SFW Please)." Regret results.
15. Add personal biorhythm widgets.
16. Customize avatar. Post online diary chronicling behind-the-scene controversies.
17. Have your entourage guest blog. Then give a shout-out to your entourage.
18. Offer yourself money to read own site.
19. Embed mix tapes your ex never listened to. That'll show her.
20. Archive personal poetry by school year.
21. Place web cameras throughout house to broadcast on your website. Fundraise to pay for cameras.
22. Don't break character.
23. Pontificate about your generation.
24. Stop writing about yourself.
25. Reformat spec script into fan fiction.
26. Tease something exciting...(continues on 112)
27. Maintain interest in the internet, even after all these years.
28. Write about and photograph prizes from contest offering prizes.
29. Accept online submission of supermarket lists, then datamanage and eprint list.
30. Aggregate links to positive sex stories about self.
31. Harass former high school bullies and post adventures on Twitter.
32. Post pictures of cars.
33. Offer dozens of website links.
34. Warn self about viruses that occur when clicking links to random websites.
35. Step-by-step, lead self through rebooting.
36. Photoshop puppies and overlay poor grammar. Call it HAHALET'SLAUGHATDOGS.
37. Don't follow through with previous tip.
38. Mobile readers may purchase a 99-cent autofresh app that refreshes mobile automatically. Offer three scents: Freshmint, Pepperminty, and Icemint.
39. What's that stink? Write about that.
40. Add sexy photos.
41. Write an essay about that anonymous comment written on your hometown newspaper's website.
42. Offer love and affection from your family.
43. Provide cryptic allusions to possible harm.
44. Start your own fan club.
45. Invite yourself to join your own fan club.
46. Reinvite yourself to join your own fan club.
47. Start a new blog.
48. Repost posts. Add "CHECK THIS OUT" to the heading.
49. Defriend offensive people on social media sites, then write endlessly about the reasons why.
50. Quote entire newswire articles. Add one-word comments like "Derr."
51. Buy an expensive meal, photograph it, and post it.
52. Grow a beard, then pretend it has a Twitter account.
53. Get obsessed over the opening of some restaurant.
54. Watch an entire television series in one sitting. Live-blog it; or live-tweet it.
55. Promote email newsletter.
56. Bake cupcakes. Recap experience using regressive language.
57. Spend a week doing something. Write about it.
58. Take a week off. Post ironic "Under Construction" graphic.
59. Compare Steve McQueen to popular artist. Imply popular artist couldn't hold a candle to Steve McQueen.
60. Interview fellow comedians. Pretend civilians care (comedians only).
61. Screengrab Google auto-suggestions.
62. Make list of stupid shit.
63. Photograph and post local graffiti. Realize other people have posted photos of that graffiti. Get angry.
64. Reply to popular Twitter feeds. Write about how no one responds.
65. Put up numerous YouTube videos.
66. Promote Twitter account. Pretend it's not just links to your site.
67. Create widgets on your site that link back to your site.
68. Pretend your website is a person. Create new Facebook person profile named "My Website."
69. Add "Things to Do" list. Include chores you'd never do privately, like "Buy Milk" and "Drink Milk."
70. Post video where you dress up as a female Republican. Embarrass yourself.
71. Beat memes to death.
72. Deny.
73. Stay in character until movie deal.
74. Write about the time you did something.
75. Type and retype the phrase "new media" until it means nothing.
76. Post things you'd never say IRL.
77. Misspell phrases adorable cats would say.
78. Dry hair -- why do I have it?
79. Keep podcast to under two hours.
80. Upload regrettable photos.
81. Express contempt about Facebook. Include "Like" button.
82. Drunk tweet.
83. Debate differences between free software apps. Debate passionately.
84. Photoshop visual internet memes.
85. Rewatch "Love Guru" on cable. Make online notes about that.
86. Post a hand-drawn cartoon that users must constantly scroll down to read.
87. Discuss politics. Embarrass yourself again.
88. Provide links to popular computer viruses.
89. "1,300 Sure-Fire Tips to Read Your Own Blog: The Book." Interested? Contact: luggagetuesdays@gmail.com.
90. Annotate your tweets.
91. Comment on the comment boards, then close comment boards so no one can comment on your comments.
92. Write parody of suicide note. Forget to mention it's a parody.
93. Interview fellow social media gurus.
94. Photograph self with wine glass. Call yourself a mommy blogger.
95. Celebrate Bastille Day in April.
96. Photograph rude people on public transit. Don't ask permission and post without consent to prove you're surrounded by self-absorbed assholes.
97. Introduce the Gropepon, the first online group coupon for groping.
98. Spice up anemic prose with photos, lots of photos.
99. Provide things to do while waiting for Google Chrome to stop crashing.
100. Discover you're the only daddy blogger on the internet. Write about that.
101. Repost own Yelp, Netflix, and Amazon reviews chronologically. Make sure review is smaller than accompanying graphic.
102. Post video, then tell people to "check out my video!"

103. Offer free desktop background images, so when your friends see your desktop background image, they'll be all like, "Cool desktop backgroup image. How much did you pay for it?" And you'll be all like, "It was free."
104. Post resume. Sit back and wait for offers.
105. Create Tumblr site mocking a once-topical news event. Maintain site for two years.
106. Have friends sign up to some website to vote for your sketch comedy group's video.
107. Write sci-fi serial about a world without the internet. Make it ironic and depressing.
108. Promote HBO.
109. Produce viral video yet never post it. Refer to it as "legendary."
110. Finish great American novel; otherwise, move to Canada.
111. Stay in character.
112. ...(con't from 26) yet never follow up.
113. Print zine. Offer online subscription.
114. Hold a grudge.
115. Reference Star Wars. Laugh at reference.
116. Create online alter ego. Have alter ego not return your calls.
117. Sell inappropriate t-shirts. Photograph sexy models wearing shirts.
118. Post who's holding. Update hourly.
119. Index recipes by ingredients, starting alphabetically with "abalone."
120. Uh, err, yeah.
121. So...geez, right?
122. Aaaaaah...
123. Think of more sure-fire ways to read your own blog.
124. Refer to local newspaper as a rag.
125. Recreate scene from seminal movie. Add no new insight.
126. Write poetry based on suggestions from yourself.
127. Don't break character.
128. Post fork-tender recipes.
129. Quote the bible from memory.
130. Stop posting.

1 comment:

Dean said...