From the Luggage Tuesdays cookbook: Bread Crumbs

You're preparing dinner. Could be fried chicken. Could be meatballs. But at one point, your recipe will call for bread crumbs. You reach for the cylinder of bread crumbs and out pours a glittery cascade of dull sawdust. It doesn't look like fresh bread crumbs. A thumb's dab into the mix confirms a salty preservative kick. And the results? Tastes like perfect good chicken and meatballs got fucked over by store-bought shitballs. Don't fall for the three big myths of The Bread Crumb Media. No, I won't keep my voice down. Yes, I'm typing what I'm saying.

Bread crumbs help guide you home: MYTH.
If the story of Hansel and Gretel has taught us anything, birds will eat the trail of bread crumbs and the remaining bread crumbs are hard to see at night. 

Bread crumbs are less lethal to pigeons than rice: MYTH.
Bread crumbs, insists The BCM, are the healthy alternative to rice for pigeons during wedding receptions. What "Pepperidge Farm" forgets is that pigeons are very depressed and suicidal and understand full well what rice has on them.

Bread crumbs make good binders: MYTH.
Not when there's oatmeal, matzah meal and crushed Ritz Crackers. 

Recipe for home made bread crumbs

It's not necessary to use stale bread. That was going to be the fourth Bread Crumb Myth.

Bread, 2 slices
Sheddred cheese (optional)
Chopped parley (optional)
Pot butter (optional)

PREP TIME: 2 seconds.
COOKING TIME: 3 hours.
TOTAL TIME: 3 hours and 2 seconds.

Conventional Oven:
Take two slices of bread.
Put in oven.
Don't turn on oven.
Wait three hours.
Heat from oven pilot light should had dried out bread.
Place bread in plastic bag.
Roll baking pin over bag. Punch bag when needed.
Add cheese, herbs, pot butter (optional).

Place two slices of bread on microwaveable plate.
Press BREAD CRUMBS button on microwave.
Eat pot butter (optional).

For an even more delicious taste, substitute homemade bread crumbs with store-bought panko bread crumbs.

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